"where's my tall boy?" (at home)

it's after 3 am. I'm listening to the Chrono Trigger soundtrack, organizing my HD and drawing. If I don't accomplish something every day, it's like the day won't even matter. I wish sometimes I could make every day memorable but that's not how it works, I 'spose. One time I read about this woman who apparently can't forget anything even if she tried. she remembers every detail of her life since she was born or something crazy. scientists didn't even know what hit em. I love that crazy shit you hear from around the world that "baffles" scientists. FIGURE IT OUT DUDES, YOU WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL! like some article I read about how this one guy in this tiny town on this tiny asian island hadn't slept for 30 years, and he's not even tired! maybe they should check if he's super human?? hello!?

anyways, all those things could be lies, but as Ripley always dares me to believe it or not, I always believe it. I wonder if Ripley throws in a fake fact once in awhile to test us.

I've been starting to draw again, hopefully I'll keep it up. mostly I should be working on film related things. but all I seem to really do is day dream about japan and being rich. needs me a second job. I want to make a video like this one day. can't stop listening/watching it. I read that it was originally a song written for britney spears, but har mar ended up with it instead, and didn't change any lyrics. love it.

I can hear you upstairs, squeeky floorboards

GOJI on the GO! I think these tiny vials are meant for old people. I'm not sure though, but the cashier questioned me like I was crazy but offered no other information on the product or why she was suspicious of me buying these. I didn't even know what was inside! That is what most trips end like after leaving Uwajimaya. Not knowing whats inside.

Today I won the lottery. well, at least I know what it feels like to win the lottery, because I found a PARKING SPOT on CAPITOL HILL a half a block from my apartment at 1 AM!! you can't tell me that is not on same level of being high off winning a multi-million jackpot. well, the high lasts about a minute, and I imagine the Mega Million Jackpot high lasts till you spend all the money, which could take a while (depending on your style).

At my work we have a movie that gives you tips on how to win the lottery. with notepad and pen in hand, I was ready to learn the secrets of the winning pros. turns out the moral of the story is "you can't win if you don't play". I think it was commissioned by Lotto. I stopped taking notes 5 minutes in.

Devin found a shit load of Bossa Nova music for me. I'm feelin lucky.

of baths & strange happenings

I've been taking a lot of baths lately. our tub fills up really fast because it's sort of shallow. I make sure that the water is so hot, that my skin turns pink because it's burning. not so hot that it's painful, although I've had the thought that if some cannibals barged into the apartment they could make some great Hot Human Water* out of me.

there have been a few times when I'm in the tub, soaking in the warmth, I think about someone I used to know who took baths all the time. I thought it was weird. once he said something like when you pull the drain on your bath, a small percentage of yourself goes down too. I never really understood it unless he was being literal with dead skin flakes (gross). I feel more complete when I get out of a warm bath, so I'm not sure what he was talking about. He was always cynical and dark, anyway.

I've been having a lot of consistently weird "coincidences" happening lately, and I've been surveying friends and family on their opinions of ESP situations. maybe I just want to be more like Alex Mac. I'm nervous about the unknown, as most people are. however maybe it's my need to feel different and I'm grasping every little desperate occurrence and trying to force it to be something more mysterious. I was told some strange things that run through my mom's side of the family, and I'm determined to have some of it handed down to me.

also, NHU is not a thing. and not everything is a coincidence.

I was really into this chain email Devin's grandpa sent him with these facts:
Lincoln & JFK coincidences on wikipedia. I don't think it's a conspiracy, but I'd like to think someone is hinting at a crazy reincarnation situation.

*a twist on an Arrested Development reference

secret and suspicious third chemical

this poster is such a hypnotizing and creepy poster. it hangs in the break room at work.

speaking of bad habits (stemming from impatience), I learned a really terrible lesson the other night. take your black and white film to professionals! pay double to get it done right! because if you try and get black and white film done at a rinky-dink drug store... YOU WILL GET A BLANK ROLL OF FILM BACK. insult to injury, it was a 36 exp roll. I lost more than usual. all shots from the post-apocalypse shoot. why did I have to learn my lesson on such an invaluable roll? my impatience got me... "one hour at 8 pm please!" I am sad. but as the expression goes--you can't cry over spilled milk.

well, you can but it's not going to make the milk go back in the cup. I still feel in the situation of milk, it is actually something you can replace or deal with in a different manner than my situation. mine is much much worse. but! as my mother drilled into me at times like these "and what did we LEARN from this experience?". learned my lesson loud and clear, mom. good thing some photos were on digital. but isn't that just technology kind of rubbing it in my face?

hmmm well at least I still have my legs. I like to think that when stupid things happen. "it could be worse, you could have one or zero legs." and then losing a roll of film isn't the end of the world anymore.

patches are only good for a bad eye

a great part two of the apocalypse shoot. everything was perfect except for the way I handled dealing with the douchiest bag of a poor excuse for a park ranger. what bothers me most is how long I dwell on something that pisses me off. and what pisses me off most is having to be forced to interact with a stupid person.

there are so many in this world, it's impossible to avoid them. even reading about stupid people or things that awful stupid people write make me actually nauseated with anger and disbelief. I just wish I knew how to handle my ill feelings towards them in a better way. I shouldn't let people get under my skin, I'm trying to learn to handle it better. so far the only thing that makes me less upset is imagining that they have a horrible life and are miserable assholes. mean? I'm working on not giving a shit. it helps to think of those you love to counteract the hate. cheeeeesy. but what a great shoot today with great friends!

I'll sleep on the hate. everyday I sleep and wake up is one day further from remembering anything upsetting. in the mean time, listening to this remix of green eyed love is quiet relaxing. can't stay mad forever! (or CAN I)

wizard in the living room

my fuji natura, the camera of all cameras in my dreams has finally arrived into my grubby little camera-hungry hands. felt like christmas, opening that box! the joy of feeling 10 and getting a barbie (in my case, a nintendo game) was tingling in my smile ridden face. aahh why do I love cameras so much!! such an expensive hobby!!

tomorrow is the post-apocalypse photoshoot part 2, continuing after almost exactly a year. this time, super epic fort casey will be the backdrop. I will have an eye patch. the weather will be nice, and I will smoke a cigar on the beach. I cannot even wait. in the meantime, I bought a ton of ramen and borrowing a space heater to stay warm before I go to work tonight.

I was hoping and expecting a call today that I have not yet received. every time something seems too good to be true, it always is. I always think things will be easy and great, but it turns out you have to work a lot harder than I would like. sometimes it's for the best, and something better comes along when you least expect it.

to the biggest video store in the world! please stay forever, scarecrow.

GANBARE!

I peruse flickr a lot lately. I always end up favoriting a lot of images taken by talented folks in asian countries. It's probably because I like what's in the photo, mostly. it could be a great photo of somewhere in europe and I might not like it as much. I love the atmosphere of most asian countries--although I've only been to one. maybe the rest remind me of that one.

you know when you see an old flame and that fire was never put out? it pings you in stomach or your heart skips a beat? I feel that way about japan. how dorky is that. when I see pictures of subway trains, I get a ping. when I see vending machines with milk tea in them, I get a ping. when I see a photo of dark alleyway with wires hanging over and lanterns lighting late night ramen shops, my heart pings. when I see photos of the open countryside with a single telephone pole, some middle school children in uniforms pushing their bikes down a path where certain foliage exists exclusively to japan... my heart hurts. udon, wooden sandals, hirigana, multiple vertical signage, godzilla, EVERYTHING! JAPAN! I left my heart in japan.

I want to go back and live there in a year. teach english, or do whatever I can to live there. my friend/roommate is going in april for 3 weeks. then her and her girlfriend are moving there a year from now. I am jealous, because they are so sure of it. I miss it. I feel like japan is cheating on me with her. I want japan all to myself (of course I'll share with the japanese). I will try my hardest to reach this goal (the living there one, not the owning it one), because it's not going to not happen.

japan, you light my life. I wish you would love me back.

the beginning of something familar

upcoming: big plans! big goals!

currently: tiny post.